IT WILL ALL BE OKAY part 2
by skyyador
Summary: The story continues as the Winchesters and Singer face an all new obstacle in their lives. Will this prove to be too much for the unbreakable family? WARNINGS m/m non con rape, child abuse, self abuse, depression, violence. Seriously read at your own risk...ENJOY THE JOURNEY!
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

"Bobby! Bobby, I got him!" Sam cried through the phone. "We are in the second building, toward the back. Come as quick as you can." Sam quickly hung up and ran forward.

He lifted the body that was in front of him, relieving the pressure from the ropes that hung his body in the air. His hands were solid white, like they hadn't had any circulation running to them for days. Not that it mattered, it isn't like the body he held knew any different.

His skin was pale and cold. His blood being drained from his body through a small needle that was connected to the tube in his arm. The bag that held a portion his missing blood hung on a hook beside him.

His body was covered in dirt and mud from an obvious struggle that the man lost. Bruises lined the side of his face and torso. He had a large swollen spot on the side of his head where something hard was forced against it. His legs had lost all strength. His toes pointed lifelessly to the ground.

His wrists were the only thing that seemed to hold any color, if the redness from the ropes engraving into his skin counted as color. He didn't even seem to have enough blood to bleed out through the raw wounds that the ropes had dug.

Sam removed the needle that was taking away precious blood. He then cut the ropes that held him in their grasps. He carefully laid the body onto the floor beside his feet as he sat beside him. He held pressure to the spot the needle was removed, knowing every drop of blood could mean the difference between life and death.

He cradled the man's head in his lap, his free hand stroked the spiked hair that had stuck to his forehead. His eyes filled with tears as his heart filled with fear. He worked on removing the embedded ropes and freeing the lifeless hands. Shreds of his shirt barely hung on at his shoulders. His pale feet were bare, his socks and shoes long sense been removed.

"I got you. I got you." He whispered.

The sudden noise startled Sam and he quickly turned his head, seeing Bobby fast approaching.

"Oh, god." Bobby stopped in his tracks and gasped at the site in front of him. His hand instinctively covered his mouth.

"He's still alive, Bobby. I don't know what to do." Sam spoke with desperation.

Bobby dropped to his knees in front of Sam. "Okay, we'll figure this out." He sighed as he looked around his surroundings.

"Did you get it? Is it dead?" Bobby questioned and he quickly stood to begin what rescue techniques he could manage at the moment.

"Yeah. The damn thing's dead. I made sure of that!" Sam's voice held anger and frustration.

Bobby nodded. "Good."

He had acquired the needle that Sam had previously removed and reinserted it into the arm it had just come from. "Hopefully this doesn't give him too bad of an infection. Doesn't seem like cleanliness was on the top of anyone's list the past couple days."

He really didn't have to say anything, but he had an overwhelming need to fill the silence with something other than fear and more questions. "I'm gonna let the blood that was drained from him go back into his body. It may not be the most hygienic thing right now, but it's the only thing I can think of that's gonna save his life right now."

"Is it gonna be enough? It's not even close to what's been removed."

"Well, boy, it's better than nothing. The way it looks, even a few drops could mean he'll stay alive long enough for us to do something else."

Sam nodded. He knew they didn't have many options. Especially in their current location.

It was an abandoned town in the middle of nowhere. One that no one even cared to visit anymore. A town who's ghost stories were told out years ago. It looked similar to an old western town. Tumbleweeds and dust flew around the empty streets. The old buildings were only partly standing. Some of them had collapsed all together.

It was a town that was built around an old factory. When the factory closed down the town moved on to where the jobs were. Without money to support the local businesses they soon closed and any town folks left rotted away without means of transportation or any available goods. Even they were forgotten with the town.

The only thing left was rotten, falling down buildings and the meager belongs that were left spread around the town. There were other bodies Sam and Bobby found during their search. But they all appeared to have been dead for a while. Their flesh rotting away in the summer heat.

Both men paused several times to partake of the water they were sure to carry with them, and to wipe the sweat from their brows. The summer heat was unforgiving. The sun was shining bright without a cloud in site. The nearest town with any life was an hour's drive away.

Bobby stood beside Sam, pushing the blood back into the starving veins. "We're gonna have to move him soon."

Sam looked up, acknowledging that the old man spoke but didn't reply back.

"Gonna have to start working on getting him to the nearest town, in case he needs medical help." Bobby continued.

"Yeah. Okay." Sam's voice sounded distant as he spoke.

Bobby stood beside Sam, forcing the remaining of the blood back into the starved veins. Both men had sweat pouring from them before they were able to move. Bobby didn't shift positions until the last drop of blood was back where it belonged and the needle was removed.

"Help me get him out to the car." Bobby knelt beside Sam and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as he spoke.

Sam nodded but gave no other response. Together they lifted the near lifeless body. His head lolled to the side, leaning against Sam's arm. His arms and legs motionless. His face one of emotionless unconsciousness. They carefully made their way to the car. Sam opted to sit in the back seat with the body they had just rescued. He held onto the hope that he could somehow bring life back into the eerily still body. Once they were both settled, Bobby began the long drive to the nearest town.

"Hey, Bobby?"

"Yeah?"

"You think he'll be alright?"

"Sam, I'm not really sure how to answer that." Bobby released a sigh. "I want to say yes. With everything in me I want to say yes."

"Yeah. Me too." Sam was sure he couldn't sound sadder if he tried.

He couldn't help but run his worried fingers through the mess of hair that laid in his lap.

"How much longer?" Sam questioned, feeling restless as the anxiety inside him built.

"It's only been a little over 10 minutes, Sam. Now will you please stop asking?" Bobby answered with a huff. "Look, boy, I know you're worried. Hell, we both are. But, you worrying like this isn't gonna help either of us."

"I know. I'm sorry, Bobby. It's just he's my brother. You know?"

"Yeah, kid, I know. Trust me, I'm just as worried as you are right now."

A slight moan came from the head that was resting on Sam's legs.

Sam attempted to sooth the discomfort that was surrounding him. He tried to calm the fight that was taking place in front of him. The fight inside someone else's mind. The fight he couldn't do anything about.

"Hey, it's okay, Dean. I got you brother. I got you, it's okay." Sam spoke gently as he stroked his brother's hair.

"Sss'mmm." Dean mumbled out.

"I'm here, Dean. I'm right here."

"Sam?"

"Hey, Dean, it's okay. I'm right here."

"Sam!" Dean's unconscious voice began to panic.

"Shhhh. It's okay, Dean, what ever it is it's okay."

Dean's head started moving back and forth, his breaths came out in quick, shallow puffs of air.

"Sammy!" Dean screamed out from his sleep induced thoughts as he fought against the dreams running through his head.

"Let it go, Dean. Just stop fighting it." Sam attempted to pull his brother from unconsciousness.

Dean continued to struggle against the thought running wild inside. His struggles were only interrupted by his cries for his brother.

"Come back to me, please." Sam begged. "It's okay. It's all going to be okay." He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince himself or Dean, but he needed someone to believe it would all be okay in the end.

The fight inside his brother's mind didn't seem to be calming down. He appeared to become more anxious, more fearful. There was a tear that slipped between closed eyes and rolled onto Sam's knee as Dean turned his head away from his brother's body with a groan.

"Hey, Dean, can you hear me?" Sam waited a moment before continuing. "If… if you can hear me, I really need you to try to wake up. Okay? I really need you to let me know you're going to be okay. I'm scared here, man. I don't know what to do. I need my big brother more than anything right now. I really need you to remind me how tough you are. I need you to remind me you're going to be okay."

"Sammy?" Dean mumbled through the weakness.

"Yeah?"

"Ssss… stop b'n a g'rl." Dean's words were slurred but Sam knew him well enough to know what he was saying.

Sam released a tear filled chuckle. "Man, about time you decided to rejoin the land of the living."

"If I open my eyes am I gonna have to look at your face?" His words were still slurred and mumbled but became easier to understand the longer he was awake.

"I don't know, why don't you open your eyes and see for yourself?"

Dean just groaned as pressed his face into Sam's stomach for a moment of relief from the spinning taking place behind closed lids. After a moment, he pulled his face away and slowly opened his too heavy eyes.

"Hey beautiful." Sam chuckled.

"Bite me!"

With shaking arms Dean attempted to push himself into a seated position but failed. His failed attempt was met with a groan. He wasn't able to use his hands like he wanted. He wasn't sure why, that was the most frustrating part.

"Hey, take it easy. Gotta get the blood flowing through your hands before you're able to use them properly. And last time I checked, it requires blood in order for it to flow. That's something you're kinda lacking right now." Sam tried to keep things lighthearted as he helped push Dean into a seated position.

"This sucks!" Dean huffed as he tried to wipe a hand down his face but only managed to get his hand to partly work.

"Yeah, well, hopefully its just temporary."

"Hopefully?"

"How you feeling there kid?" Bobby interrupted the boys' moment to make Dean aware that he was there.

Dean groaned and looked up, just realizing someone else was there.

"That good, huh?" Bobby chuckled.

"What… What the hell happened? Where are we?" Dean questioned with confusion equally matching his facial expression and tone of his voice.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Bobby questioned.

"Uh…" Dean thought for a moment. His brows crinkled in the middle of his forehead with confusion. "The last thing? I uh… um… the last thing I remember is after we finished Dad's funeral Sam and I were heading to your place."

"Dean?" It was Sam's turn to sound confused and concerned.

Dean turned to look at Sam but didn't reply with words.

"Dad's not dead."

"Yeah he is, Sammy. We both watched him die, remember? He killed himself to get rid of Yellow Eyes… to save us."

"Dean. Dad's missing. He's not dead. You came to my school and got me so I could help you look for him, remember?"

"Yeah, Sam, I know that. But a lot has happened since then."

"Yeah, it has, but Dad dying isn't one of those things."

"What?"

"Unless something's happened that we don't know about, Dad's not dead."

"You sure?"

"Dude, I wouldn't lie to you about something like this."

"Yeah, yeah I know… but…" Dean looked back and forth between the two men. He knew he had seen his dad die, he knew he was there when they gave him a hunter's funeral. So, why was Sam telling him it wasn't true? Why was Sam saying their dad was still alive? Could it be true? Is there a possibility that perhaps it was just a dream? Winchester luck would never be so kind to them. But, Sam was certain neither of them had watched their dad die. The image was still in his head, somehow it had happened at least in his own head.

If what Sam was saying is true. If their dad wasn't dead. Then… then maybe there's hope. Maybe he wouldn't have to suffer knowing he was the reason they had both become orphans. Maybe… just maybe it will all be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

They had made it to a town with life again. Dean insisted he didn't need a doctor, even though he could only manage to sit for a couple minutes before collapsing back into his brother's lap. He was still confused but his exhaustion was stronger than the confusion and forced him back to sleep.

"Hey sleeping beauty, we're at a motel. Time to wake up." Sam cooed into Dean's ears.

"Bitch." Dean mumbled as he pressed his face into Sam's legs.

"Jerk. I'm not about to carry your ass to the room. It's bad enough we had to carry you to the car."

"Oh, come on. Even if I don't wanna walk?"

Sam gave his brother's shoulder a shove. "Get your lazy ass up." Sam playfully coaxed his brother into letting him help sit up.

"Dude, what if my legs won't work when I get out?" Dean hesitated as he carefully put his hand on the opened door, remembering how much effort moving took, and suddenly going completely serious.

"Then you take your time. Make them work." Sam replied with what sounded like enough patience to last a lifetime.

"Yeah. Okay." Dean huffed as he started working on getting his legs outside of the car with Sam's assistance. Once he had accomplished that small task he paused as Sam had reached for him. "Don't let me fall." Dean grumbled out.

"Dude, a little faith?"

"Did you have to park so far away?" Dean complained as his feet stumbled over themselves.

Sam carried the most of Dean's weight, keeping his brother from falling onto the concrete. "Man, Bobby parked as close as possible. It's just a short distance from the car to the door."

"Not that far? Maybe if it wasn't so damn cold it wouldn't be far."

Sam released a sound that was a mixture of a chuckle and huff of frustration. "Dude, it's not cold! It's gotta be 100 degrees out here still."

"Easy for you to say, Sam. You have a shirt and shoes on."

"Yeah well consider yourself lucky right now."

"Lucky? Lucky? How can I be lucky being so damn cold? And where the hell are my shoes anyhow?"

"I don't know where your shoes are. Why don't you tell me where you left them?"

"I don't even know where the hell we are!"

They boys kept each other engaged in conversation as they walked. Dean had the need to keep himself distracted. Confusion ran through the veins that were starved of their needs. His head spun. His body swayed. He could feel frustration and anger fill the icy cold that penetrated his skin.

Sam needed to keep his brother's mind off the task at hand. He needed to keep his body moving. He needed to keep his brother's mind from slipping away again. He could feel the exhaustion that settled into Dean's every step and had a need to keep the exhaustion from settling into his mind too.

Bobby relieved the pressure from Sam's grasp as they entered the room. Dean allowed Bobby to gain his weight as he leaned his too tired head against the man's shoulder with a heavy shutter.

"How about we try to get you warmed up?" Bobby questioned as he helped walk Dean toward the bed furthest from the door.

"Yeah…ok." Dean's voice was disappearing with his new found strength.

"Sit." Bobby ordered.

Dean done as he was told. "Bobby?" He wasn't even sure what he needed to ask.

Bobby drew in a deep sigh and sat on the bed across from Dean. "Why don't you lay down? Get under the covers. Try to warm up and let your body relax. You'll feel better"

Dean looked at his own body. "I think I need a shower."

"Not until we get some blood going back through those veins of yours."

"You guys keep saying that. What does it even mean?"

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Sam sat beside his brother, wrapping a blanket around his back and draping it over his shoulder. His body was shivering from the cold it was overcome by. Dean dropped his body to his side. Sam quickly reacted, grabbing Dean's body and easing him to the bed, his head resting comfortably on the pillow.

Dean didn't even acknowledge his brother's help. He couldn't. How could he begin to accept the fact he was too weak to even lay down properly. Besides, it wasn't like Sam seemed to mind the fact Dean didn't want to acknowledge he silent acceptance.

"I told you." Dean replied with a shaky voice. "The last thing I remember, Dad got possessed by the demon and….and…. and after he…uh…." Dean's body shook with the memories.

"Hey, Dean, whatever it is, it's ok." Sam attempted to comfort the memories.

Dean looked up, his sad desperate eyes locked unto Sam's. "Dad was possessed but he had control over it." He shifted his eyes to Bobby. "He…Sam had the colt. He kept telling Sam to shoot him, to kill the thing. I begged him not to so…uh…Dad he um… he grabbed the gun and shot himself." A tear fell from Dean's eye.

Sam rested a hand on Dean's shoulder. "Hey man." He cleared the lump forming in his throat. "It's not real. That didn't happen."

"How can you say that?" Dean started his brother down. "You saw it too! You saw the bullet go through his head the same as I did!"

Sam looked desperately at Bobby for help.

"Dean, I need you to listen to me." Bobby leaned forward making sure he had Dean's full attention as he spoke. "Whatever's running around in that noggin' of your's it's not what you think."

Dean's eyes were searching for clarification.

"Look boy, you got yourself captured by a djinn."

"A djinn? Look, Bobby, I don't know what you know about those but I promise what's running around in my head isn't some damn dream land!"

Bobby sighed. "Will ya let me finish?"

Dean remained quiet.

"As I was saying." Bobby continued. "This djinn is different than your average joe. The type it is, instead of giving you a good dream land, this one is a dark one. The dream it puts you in is more like a nightmare."

"That's an understatement." Dean huffed weakly.

"Yeah, I can only imagine what type of hell your mind has been through." Bobby replied before continuing his explanation. "This thing, Dean, it had a way of getting into your head like nothing else you'll ever come across. It sees things in the future, and your past. It uses it against you. It also takes your worst nightmares, your biggest fears, and intertwines them all together."

"Bobby?" Dean wiped a shaking hand weakly down his face.

"Dean, I know it's all confusing. I just need you to trust me on this, okay? I need you to just give yourself some time. You need to rest and get your head back on straight."

"Yeah. Okay." Dean paused. "So, is everything in my head wrong?"

"Don't rightfully know. Some of it might be. Some of it not. See, the things it takes from your past, it has a way of jumbling it up, maybe adding fears to it. Or putting someone else's face where it don't belong."

Dean crinkled his brows.

"You could tell me something going through that noggin and we can help you work through it."

"I… I don't know if I wanna."

Bobby nodded with understanding. "We know it ain't gonna be pleasant. This thing doesn't work with pleasant memories."

"There's…. there's just so much." Dean sighed with a deep puff of air.

"Don't doubt it." Bobby replied with understanding.

"It just seems so real." Dean's words released with another weakened tear.

"Dean, son, it was real. In your head. It was all real. There's no way of getting around the truth if that."

Dean squeezed his eyes closed. His body shivered through his icy veins.

"Look, Dean, if… when you're ready to talk you will, and I'll be here to listen. So will Sammy. But why don't you try to get you some rest right now. Those djinn are good for draining the blood from you, and you were damn close to not waking back up from this. You're gonna need a lot of rest to get you physically going again."

Dean only nodded as his response as his exhausted body shivered again.

His breathing evened out. His body calmed under the warmth of the blankets that covered him. His mind giving into the darkness that invaded him.

"What did he do to you?" Bobby sighed as he wiped a tired hand down his face.

"Tell me he's gonna be okay." Sam whispered, unable to move his eyes from his sleeping brother.

"He'll make it through this. He's strong. He's got you and he's got me. He'll make it through this." Bobby stood and made a step toward Sam. He gave a gentle pat to his shoulder. "Why don't you lay down and get you some rest?"

"What are you gonna do?" Sam questioned as he looked up at the older man with exhausted eyes.

"I'm going to hit the shower, wash some of this damn heat off me."

Sam nodded, returning his sights to his brother.

"I know it's been a long couple days" Bobby felt the need to explain his request. "If were gonna be there for your brother we both need to be rested. Sleeping while he's sleeping seems like the most logical to me."

"Yeah, Bobby, okay." Sam sighed as he moved the overly heated blankets, piling them on his brother, and laid himself beside the man he had spent so much time searching for. The man that now that he's found him, he didn't want to lose him again. He slung his arm across Dean's chest, relishing in the steadiness of his breaths.

The shower turned on. The gentle pattering of the water pushing him further over the edge, allowing the comfort of the exhausted darkness to take over his thoughts.

Bobby leaned his hands against the wall in front of him. The cool water beat down over his tired body. The emotions running too wild through him. These were his boys. They always have been. And now they faced something none of them were prepared for. Bobby wasn't sure if he was ready for this. He knew his boys wouldn't be ready.

He knew Dean never had an easy life. The kid always seemed to sacrifice himself. He had so much pain, so much darkness, in his life. There was far too much for this djinn to use against him. And that was only what he knew about. He released silent tears as he wondered what he didn't know about.

He knew, without a doubt, there was so much Dean would hide. There was so much he would never let anyone know. There was so much hurt he shouldered. So much blame he placed on himself. There was so much that an evil being could use for their advantage.

He knew John was never the best dad. He knew Dean needed his mom more than anything. The kid raised his baby brother. He had been pushed into raising the both of them. He raised the both of them with an absent, alcoholic father.

With a heavy sigh, and even heavier heart, he turned the water off and stepped from the shower. Bobby was no fool. He knew things were going to get worse the stronger Dean become. He knew the more his mind worked the more confused and uncertain and scared the lad would become.

His own exhaustion was beginning to win against his power of wills as he laid on his back on the bed closest to the door. He was the protector, the one that should have all the answers. The truth was, he didn't have a clue what they were up against. He didn't know how hard this could be. But he'd never let anybody know any of that. The heaviness settled deep into his bones. He took one last long look at the sleeping brothers before he threw his arm over his eyes and allowed his own form of darkness to partake of what was left.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

"No. Please. I… I can't… no more…"

"Dean?" Dean's quiet mumbling woke Sam who was still sleeping beside him.

"Hurts." Dean cried out to the imaginary thing that was hurting him.

"Dean. Hey, man, wake up." Sam gave Dean's shoulder a gentle shove.

Dean fought against the hand that touched him. "I…. I can't." He cried out.

Bobby woke with the commotion from the bed next to him. "Everything okay?" He grumbled out with a rough tired voice.

"I think he's dreaming, Bobby. I think he's dreaming about whatever happened with the djinn."

"Gotta wake him."

"I'm trying."

Bobby grumbled as he pushed himself from the bed. He gave a hard slap to Dean's shoulder. "Wake up, boy!"

"Hurts, Bobby." Dean mumbled through his still half asleep daze.

"Yeah? Why don't you wake on up and tell me about it."

Dean grunted and groaned as he attempted, and failed, to push himself into a seated position. Another groan escaped his lips as his body refused to do what he wanted.

"Need help?" Sam offered.

"I got this, Bitch!"

"Okay, well you just lay there and wear yourself out from being stubborn." Sam couldn't help but roll his eyes.

Dean struggled a little longer, his body reaching the point of exhaustion before Bobby stood and pushed him into a seated position.

"I didn't need your help." Dean complained.

He may have said he didn't need their help, but they all knew he did. He may be sitting but he was still leaning against Sam. He needed him more than he was willing to admit. He needed him to hold him up, to keep him stable, both physically and mentally.

"You're so damn stubborn!" Sam added. "But at least that stubbornness kept us from having to carry you in here." He lightened his mood and voice.

"I told you I got this." Dean huffed out.

"Yeah, well I didn't expect you to be able to walk the entire way in here." Sam admitted.

"You told me I could."

"And you did."

"You didn't expect me to?"

"Man, I don't even know how the hell you're functioning at all right now."

"Now you tell me! I could be laying around doing nothing instead of struggling and now you tell me it would be okay?"

"It's not okay."

"You just said it was!"

"It would be okay for anyone else. But you're stronger than anyone else. So, no, it's not okay for you."

"You're a real bitch. You know that Sammy?"

"Yeah, and you're a jerk, but I still love you."

"God, shoot me now!" Dean grumbled, earning a laugh from Sam.

"How you feeling?" Bobby interrupted.

"Like I've had my blood sucked out of me."

"Yeah? How's that head of yours?"

Dean shook his head. "I…. I don't know."

"That was one hell of a dream you were having."

"Was it?"

"Yeah, seamed to be."

"I don't know. How can I be sure it was just a dream?"

"Don't rightfully know how to answer that."

Dean nodded his head and allowed his body to shift slightly, leaning more weight against Sam. "Bobby, I don't know what I'm supposed to think right now."

"Wanna tell me what that dream was about?"

"I…I don't know. It's like… before…or I guess in my dream djinn land… you would know everything. But if it's not real. If you don't know. How… how do I tell you?" Dean paused to release a sigh. "How do I even know if it's real?"

"Start by telling me what the dream was about. We'll talk about it, work through it. I'm sure I know more about you than you realize."

"I'm sure you do."

"So, what was it about?"

"So… so much shit happened. I… I thought it was all real. I don't know, Bobby. It all still feels so real."

"Some of it might be."

"That's what I'm afraid of. If I could tell myself it was all fake it would be okay. But, I can't do that can I?"

"No, guess not. Now, how about you talk to me so we can figure it out."

"It's… it's like I don't know… now that I sit and think about it… maybe I can remember stuff, only it's different than the way… man… I don't know what the hell to think!"

"Just start with one thing at a time. Dean, start with what you were just dreaming about." Bobby attempted to keep him on track.

"Dad. The others. They uhh…. In my dream that I just had… it… it was a little different than what really happened. Or what happened in the dream world… I guess?"

"Start with what the dream was about."

"They umm…. I can't, Bobby. I can't do this! I need a shower."

Dean pushed himself from the bed, allowing his brother to support his weakened body, and help him to the bathroom door. Once he had arrived at his destination he pushed himself away from Sam, needing his own alone time.

Dean felt like a failure at his own life. He felt alone at this moment. He needed someone to know what was going through his head, he needed someone to understand. But he couldn't dare put that kind of weight on the only two men who were there for him.

He allowed his lonely tears to slip away with the water that beat down on him. His shaking hands pressed against the wall for support. His knees feeing like they were too weak to stand. He drew in a deep breath and released it as he turned the water off. He wasn't ready to return to the ever watchful eyes, but that thought was better than Bobby and Sam having to pull his naked body from the room after he collapsed from weakness.

He made sure he was fully dressed in sweats and a T-shirt before exiting he room. As soon as the door was opened, Sam was there to offer his support as he helped Dean back to the bed.

Dean couldn't complain, couldn't even pretend that he didn't need, or want, the help. His body was too weakened from the simple task of standing for so long. He lowered himself to the bed, leaving his hand on Sam's arm just a little longer. He wanted, no he needed, the physical contact of support.

He closed his eyes as he slid his hand from Sam's arm. His fingers dwindling just a little longer. He took in a deep breath, relishing in the moment of silent comfort. The short moment of easy breathing, the thoughts of clarity.

"I…. I think…. I think it's real." Dean's voice was so quiet it was hard to hear, but the unreal desperation was loud and clear.

"What's That?" Bobby questioned.

"I… I don't know." Dean sighed

"Well, only one way to find out. Spill what's in your head."

Dean glanced up at Sam, unsure how to approach the situation, then back to Bobby. "I uh…. Dad he didn't always leave enough money for what we needed. Sometimes it was because he was gone longer than expected."

Dean paused to catch his thoughts before continuing. "I… I had to do what I had to in order to keep Sammy fed." He hurried his head in the pillow beneath him in shame.

"It's real." Sam whispered.

"How do you know?" Dean's attention was brought back to his brother.

"Dean." Sam raised his voice so the men could hear him. "I may have been young. I may not have understood everything. Hell, chances are I don't know the entire story. But I wasn't stupid. I know you went out at night. I wasn't always asleep."

"Whhh…what… what do you…uh…you know?" Dean shuttered with the thoughts of his baby brother knowing what was in his head.

"I know I wasn't always asleep when you would leave at night. I know I wasn't always asleep when you would come home." Sam wiped the sweat from his brother's too cold brow. "Or when Dad came home before you would get back."

Dean's body shuttered. "That… that was real too?"

"The way Dad treated you? Yeah. Yeah it was."

Dean nodded his head before lowering it again. "I'm sorry." Dean whispered.

"Dean, you don't have any reason to apologize. It's all in the past. Besides, it's like you said, you did what you had to. You always have. No one can fault you for that."

"I…I'm not sure what's real and what isn't." Dean sat up as he started talking, avoiding eye contact with anyone. He stared at his hands that sat limp in his lap.

His wrists were red and puffy. Where the ropes had hung for so long was swollen. His fingertips were white and still felt too cold. They trembled, he was unable to stop the trembling or have much control over them at that moment.

"I…" He shuttered with a deep breath. "I know… I think I know… I would…i…. uh… I don't know how to do this, Sammy."

Sam rubbed a comforting hand across his brother's shoulder. His arm was already wrapped around him, giving him much needed support. "Just say what's in your head."

"I… I cant…. I don't… I don't know what to say."

"Just say it. I don't think any of us care about how it's said."

"Sam…. I don't want… I'm not gay."

"No one said you were."

"I was too young to do anything else."

"Did you have sex with other men? Is that how you took care of me?"

Dean shrugged. "Not sure. I don't know if there was ever intercourse. Some… some tried… If what I remember is true that is."

Sam nodded with a sigh of relief. "So what did you give them blow jobs or something?"

Dean lifted himself from his brother's grasp and nodded. Tears threatened to fall.

Sam cleared his throat. "Dean, hey, it's okay man. I mean. Other than stealing or begging, I don't really see any other way for a kid to make money."

Dean shrugged. "I was… I was like nine when…you know…when I figured out it was a possibility."

Sam nodded, clearing his throat to stop the tears from rising into his eyes. "Dean, I mean you really didn't have a choice. And, I don't see how that changes anything. You're still the same brother I've always had."

Dean gave a crooked smile as he glanced back at his brother. "Thanks."

"As far as what happened while you were out, I'm sorry, I can't answer that."

Dean nodded.

"But I was awake when you came home some times. I laid there and listened to you throw up and cry in the shower."

Dean leaned back against Sam and grasped a handful of the front of his shirt.

"And, the couple times I was awake when Dad got home and you weren't there. I can tell you about those too."

"Did he beat me?" Dean's hand shivered against Sam's chest.

"Yeah."

Dean nodded again, too unsure to speak.

"He didn't always punish you in the room. Sometimes he took you to the bathroom, sometimes outside. But, you would be hurt for awhile afterwards. And not just from his belt."

"I hated that belt." Dean couldn't get his voice to go above a whisper.

"Yeah, I know you did. I hated when Dad used it on you. I remember the fear in your eyes when he pulled it out."

"When you were like 2, did Dad leave us with a man and woman?"

Sam nodded. "They were a couple hateful assholes. The man really had it out for you! I can't remember their names but I remember you keeping me safe from them."

"He beat me with his belt. That's why I was so scared of it. He… He umm… he tried too but he couldn't… he… I… I think I was too young, too small… he couldn't get what he wanted with me. He had me do other things instead. That's why I had to keep you away from him. He said he would make you do what I had to. He said he would beat you."

"What did he make you do?"

Dean chuckled. "I didn't even get paid from that son of a bitch! He's the one who taught me how to blow someone. Not that it really mattered. Not that I remembered the lessons on how he liked it."

Dean stared off into space, his mouth kept talking but his mind had turned silent. "He got pissed because I called Dad. I begged him to help us. I begged him to keep you safe."

Sam rubbed the side if Dean's arm. "He came, you know. He came because I pissed him off. He came because he was going to punish me for making him mad. When he got there I was crying and the man was screaming at me. Dad… he kicked the door down. I remember he had a hold of my arm and when Dad grabbed me and pulled me from him it finished breaking it."

Dean released a distant laugh. "Not that it really mattered. Not like Dad gave a shit anyhow. He did what he does best. He left us. He left me. He expected me to take care of you and didn't even bother fixing my arm first. I had to do that myself."

"Dean." Sam had to clear his throat again. "I'm sorry. I didn't know all of that."

"Yeah? What difference would it make if you did?" Dean's voice seemed to rejoin them in the present. "Dad knew and it didn't matter to him."

Dean shook his head, drew in a deep breath, and pushed himself from Sam. "Anyhow, enough of that!" Dean managed to run his hand down his face and looked up at Bobby. "How the hell do I get rid of all this shit in my head?"

Bobby sat listening to the boys. Tears had filled his eyes. His lips quivered as he fought against the tear's will to fall. "I… uhh… it's gonna take time."

"Time. Right. Fuck this! I'm so damn tired of everyone saying it's going to take time!" Dean's emotions had shifted to uncontrolled anger.

"Dean, calm down." Sam spoke gently.

"Calm down? Calm down? How about you get mind fucked and see if you can calm down!"

"Okay, I get it. But getting angry isn't going to help anything."

Dean released a loud sigh as he allowed his body to drop onto its side on the bed. "Cover me up, will ya? It's cold as hell in here!"

Sam done as requested, allowing his brother to rest his overly tired body and mind. "Just give it time, Dean. It'll all be okay. You'll see. It's all going to be okay."


End file.
